Bully is Not a Preschool Word

Conflict resolution in early childhood education. 

Nia House Parent Meeting April 17, 2024

Purpose of the meeting: to understand how and why conflicts arise in early education8 and to embrace resolution and prevention with greater understanding and the utmost compassion and sensitivity for all children.  Conflict is a growing tool!
What is bullying?

Bullying is a planned activity that requires a degree of planning that preschool aged children are not yet capable of.

Not all acts of aggression are bullying.

For example, young children think name rhyming is funny, and it can be considered part of their appropriate banter, when it’s consensual. Children also benefit from physical, sometimes rough, connection, and that can also be considered part of appropriate play, when it’s consensual. Young children are discovering the structure of social relationships and looking to belong.  Early childhood is the time to explore the limits and boundaries of relationships and consent, especially while support from loving adults is present.

What types of aggressive behaviors do young children exhibit? (parent brainstorm) 

  • pushing

  • hair pulling

  • biting

  • grabbing

  • unkind words

  • exclusion “You’re not coming to my birthday party”

  • threatening

  • door slamming

Repetitive aggression or conflict hold developmental purpose.

Just as young children need to repeat using a spoon and counting to 100, before they get it mastered, they also need to repeat conflict resolution skills, which means repeating an aggressive behavior is developmentally appropriate. We as parents/teachers can define boundaries/set limits to minimize harm and demonstrate/encourage appropriate behaviors.

While at Nia House, there are many opportunities for repeating boundary setting and repair work, and the big implication is: conflicts can be resolved/ you know what you like and you need/ you can repair if you make a mistake (or hurt someone’s feelings or body).

Neuro-science supports that children 1-6 year-old are in sensitive periods of development for:

  • Impulse control

  • Social

  • Communication

  • Recognizing similarities and differences (visual and auditory discrimination)

  • Repetition

  • Physical

  • Need for belonging and community

  • Children develop social‐emotional skills with increasing complexity from birth onwards

“Establishing lasting peace is the work of education.” Dr. Maria Montessori

Nia House believes that experiencing conflict and the tools for repair will help to create a generation of future world leaders. We expect that early education will have lasting impact on how children interact as humans throughout their lives. Thus, teachers model language of care and repair through each part of the day- offering language to express needs and to solve problems.

Examples of setting limits with children:

  • Ouch! I do not like that.

  • We don’t push people, but you can push this truck.

  • I like it when you ask before touching me/my work/etc.

  • Before you touch, you can ask, ‘May I have a turn’

Steps of resolution and repair:

  1. Model “checking in” ”Are you ok?”

  2. Acknowledge the mistake “Ouch. That hurts. You were hit by the shovel.”

  3. State the needs “You can ask your friend to have gentle hands/wait until I am done/or get an ice pask.”

  4. Provide care

  5. State future actions: “Next time I will...” :I’m Sorry” is not the cure or the solution.

Questions we (adults) ask when we see aggressive interactions?

  1. “Ouch!”

  2. “Is everything ok” 

  3. “Are you enjoying that game?”

  4. “Do you need any help? Or How can I help? 

  5. “Are you hurt? Do you need a hug?”

  6. Exclamation/ observation: Example- child hits - Ouch!  Oh my!  Wow- would you like to offer a high-5? Example, child grabs- Did you want to ask, may I work with you ?

What should I do to help my child?

  • Respond vs. React - ask a question rather than offer a judgment. Offer authoritative leadership- defined as thoughtful, deliberate, collaborative, responsive (not reactive). 

  • Ask yourself - what is the unmet need?  Is it attention, request, what skill is needed/ what is this behavior telling us (adults)?

  • Advocate for your child. Talk to your school teachers or leaders to learn more about your child’s needs and development.

  • When someone is hurt- we wait and watch- see if another child is helping and affirm that we notice and support their process of helping.

Palestine in Books for Children

The links below share booklists on children’s stories reflecting life, as it was, in Palestine.

“From heartwarming tales of friendship to insightful narratives about resilience, these books will spark conversations and broaden young minds, fostering understanding and empathy for the people and places of Palestine.” -SF Library

How does Nia House do the holidays?

Written in 2016.

At Nia House we recognize this time of year as a special one for many families, faiths, and customs. As the season changes, many settle into warmth, light, and celebration. At Nia House, we love to join in, honor, and investigate this season and it’s celebrations. 

Chanukah, Solstice, Kwanzaa, and Christmas are all a part of the Nia House curriculum. Nia House’s approach to each holiday is academic, inquisitive, and places the celebration into a historical and contemporary context.

What, you might wonder, do we do about Santa Claus?! Since we honor a plurality of experiences and celebrations, Santa Claus falls right in place with a history, a cultural context, and an honored space in the lives of those that incorporate Santa into their holidays. Our storytelling of the Santa Claus ritual stems from the history of Saint Nicholas, “a kind and generous man who left gifts of gold in the socks of a family in need.  He was so kind and so generous that some Christian people named him a Saint- the highest honor of all!  Christian people around the world believe that Saint Nicholas, also called Santa Claus, magically delivers presents to people on Christmas each year.”  The story continues with global traditions around Christmas trees, lights, gifts and other specific Christmas rituals.

The article “Santa Claus: Making The Invisible Visible” by Maren Schmidt offers a unique approach to Santa Claus. Schmidt muses on who picked her coffee beans or built an airplane, thus honoring the invisible labor that brings great luxury and comfort to her life. She shares, “I see Santa Claus being all these people in the world, who strive to serve humankind, to make life more enjoyable, more comfortable, more magical.”  Maren Schmidt brings forth an interesting social economic concept during a holiday season that can be laden with materialism. No matter what holiday a family celebrates, there are people that work, sometimes invisibly, to generate comfort, enjoyment, and magic. Some of us may incorporate Santa into this holiday season, and even if we do not, we can all gather around the value Schmidt describes in a developmental framework,

“As the young child enters a developmental stage of reasoning, around age six, and begins to wonder about Santa, we need to give them opportunities to work and contribute to something bigger than themselves. We need to show them how to choose to be part of the magical power of giving, service and surprise.
”

Thank you to the Nia House families that modeled this spirit of giving and service with donations to Standing Rock.  As Nia House recognizes the many holidays of this season, we remain committed to instilling the value of service and of caring for one another and our environment. We always strive to honor each child and family’s truth and customs and by doing so the children at Nia House become aware of multiple truths, diversity in celebration, and a rich awareness of the winter holiday season.  

Lunch: ritual, routine and healthy eating

Each day, the Nia House children sit down to a set table. Toddlers sing the same daily songs, light a candle, make silence and take grounding breaths. Children in the primary find the reusable metal cup with their name on it, put their napkins on their lap, eat, and chat with their friends. After eating, the toddlers clear their plates, silverware, cups and napkins, wash their face and prepare for nap. The primary children pack up their lunch box, clear silverware, cups, and napkin and ready for play time on the yard. During their outside time, members of the primary community put on aprons and scrub the lunch tables with soapy water. Lunch is a peaceful experience, as the children know what to expect.

A SNAPSHOT INTO TODAY’S LUNCHES (see actual pictures at end of blog):

  • edamame + tofu

  • avocado + grilled cheese

  • yogurt + strawberries

  • ravioli + zucchini

  • hummus & cheese sandwich + sliced fruit

  • pesto pasta

  • broccoli, yams + salmon

  • sliced carrots

    • rice + beans + quesadilla

Wondering what to pack for your child’s lunch?

goals

  1. Color - Eat the rainbow. 

    Eating a diversity of colorful foods is a way to get the complete range of nutrients that a growing body and brain needs to thrive.

  2. Crunch - Provide food with texture including fresh fruits and vegetables. 

    Foods with texture help children develop important oral motor and sensory skills.

  3. Diversity- Introduce differences.

    Nutrition habits begin now as children are in a sensitive period of developing taste preferences and rapid growth (physical, cognitive, social, emotional).Daily variety in lunch (even if slight changes) will keep lunch time interesting and compel healthy eating habits. We encourage children to eat a portion of each food group.

guidelines

  • Send something from each food group

    (adjust to dietary needs- vegan/vegetarian): Fruits, Vegetables, Grains, Protein Foods, and Dairy 

  • Do not send

    no nuts, no sugar (including juice), no snack foods (crackers, chips, pretzels), limited salt.  

lunch guidance

PROTEIN

Warm:

  • Soup or stew, heated and stored in an insulated container

  • Leftovers such as chicken, turkey, or casserole, in insulated container

  • Eggs, scrambled

  • Mixed cooked grains, heated (such as rice and beans)

  • Pasta (such as spaghetti, macaroni and cheese)

Cold:

  • Sandwich (egg, tuna, meat, cheese)

  • Eggs peeled, hard boiled

  • Yogurt with fruit

  • Cottage cheese

  • Finger food (cheese, etc.)

FRESH FRUIT

  • Half of an apple

  • Melon, berries, pineapple pieces 

  • Half a banana

  • Seedless grapes 

  • Peeled orange, etc.

  • Do not send fruit leather or dried fruit

VEGETABLES

  • Fresh carrot sticks, celery,bell  pepper, cucumber  (cut into thumb sized sticks) 

  • Cooked peas, green beans, corn, etc.

  • Salad: greens, carrot, potato, egg, pasta, etc.

Problems with eating too much sugar or salt:

  • Causes tooth decay

  • Raises risks of diabetes and higher blood pressure

  • Can drain calcium from young children

  • Can contribute to high cholesterol

  • Can contribute to emotional distress, irritability, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, hyperactivity, aggressive behavior, fear and insecurity

  • Salt can cause fluid retention and decrease of absorption of nutrients, weakening bones, nerves and muscles

  • Though some salt is needed in a healthy diet, Nia House is just trying to limit the EXCESS salt present in snack foods, most packaged or frozen food/meats, and fast food

Problems with eating too much fat:

  • Though the polyunsaturated fats in seafoods, avocados and vegetables are incredibly healthy for children, Nia House is trying to limit trans fats and hydrogenated oils in children’s diets. Examples are frozen foods, commercially baked foods, and fried foods. 

  • Essential fatty acids are necessary for brain development and for energy, lowering cholesterol, insulating the body and more.

  • Trans fats found in fast foods and many prepared and packaged products can increase LDL (the bad type of cholesterol) and decrease HDL (the good type of cholesterol).

  • Trans fats have also been linked to an increase in cancer rates, and a general lower immune response.

We live on the land of the Chochenyo speaking Ohlone people

The tale of Thanksgiving told at Nia House

We believe it is our social responsibility to introduce cultural celebrations and history in accurate and age appropriate ways. The tale of Thanksgiving is told in many different ways. Here is a bit of insight into how we tell it here at Nia House. 

Each circle time at Nia House builds upon and adds to the next. History is held in a linear model; stories root in a spiral form as annually we cycle through geography, place, ecology, culture, time and where we as humans fit in this interconnected continuum.  Thus, the tale of Thanksgiving never stands separate from the elements that inform this cultural celebration- history, people, place, culture, and conflict.  

We are keenly aware of the responsibilities to honor indigenous people; to offer children contemporary conceptions of North America’s first people; to provide accurate maps, precise names and locations of Native communities, folklore, and current imagery of indigenous people and life stories through books. The telling of the Thanksgiving does not adhere to a Eurocentric narrative describing the Americas as open land or a place to be discovered. Rather, the fullness of Native American life before the arrival of Europeans is detailed. 

The history of the arrival of Europeans to North America is a violent one. Educators are faced with the task of offering a true story that is developmentally appropriate to preschoolers. Though we do not shy from using the words colonialism and conflict, we are sensitive to our very young audience. Teachers use role play to help children engage and we pause to allow children to share how they would feel and what they might do differently. Here is an example of some of the language used at Nia House to describe American history at the moment of European arrival (see video below):

“When the Europeans came there was great conflict, land was wanted and taken from native people; people were very angry, so angry that they shook their fists and were unkind.

Land was taken, people dislocated, and this was a hard time. This is a hard time. As we adults know, the struggle continues. With every social injustice, we remind children that sometimes people are not peaceful and luckily we here at Nia House know to use our words and act with peace. We believe it is important to remember times of unkindness so that we can instill how important it is to be kind and grateful now. 

As early childhood educators, we are graced with the opportunity to introduce the first narratives of history, to empower children with their understanding of peace and conflict resolution, to allow the tale of Thanksgiving to hold complexity, and to honor indigenous people in a socially responsible way.

(The clip below came after the children acted out Nicole's narration of Native Americans thriving, growing food, having family, making art and then the arrival of Europeans, tired and needing care after a very long journey. At first, the Europeans needed care, but soon sent for more Europeans to come and take the land in a most unkind way.)

Transitions at Nia House

On Wednesday evening, the Nia House parent community and staff gathered to explore the transitions children experience at school and how we can support them. In a child’s life there are child-led and parent-led transitions. At Nia House, we have, we celebrate and we support both.  Thanks to all of the parents who shared their personal transition stories. We hope to learn from all of you over the many meetings and years together. 

Noah walks his toddler classmate Wilma for a primary visit.

What are the transitions at Nia House? 

  • Starting school- the transition TO Nia House

  • Toddlers to Primary

  • Becoming an “elder” - A transition within the primary years

  • The 3rd Year/Kindergarten at Nia House

  • Leaving Nia House for 1st grade

Which are parent-led transitions? 

  • Starting school- the transition TO Nia House

  • Leaving Nia House for 1st grade

The rest are child-led! 

Supporting Transition

Sage advice from Nia House parents

  • Validate without fixing: Transitions can be challenging.

  • Describe the change: Share the steps of the plan, then proceed with the plan, as was described, so they know what to expect.

  • Emotionally prepare and take care of adult self: Sometimes, we adults are not ready for a child-directed transition and it takes us time to catch up. Some parents mentioned their own feelings of sadness and tears around their children's self-directed transitions.

  • Trust: Developing trusting relationships within the school community of parents, children and teachers helped us find grounding during the transition to Nia House.

  • Team up: Communicating with teachers during children's transitions was very helpful- we were supported and able to meet our children's various needs as a team.

Key points from Nia House teachers

Morning drop off routine.

  • Routine, routine, routine: Keep home routines consistent when there's transition at school. Share information with NH when you have life transitions at home so we can be a steady force.

  • Exhibit confidence and trust in yourself and your child: 

    • Trust your decision-making during adult-let transitions so that your children trust you and the process.

    • Trust your children during child-led transitions, even during times of big emotions.

  • Allow and accept: Big emotions can arise as young people process change.  Processing feelings, hard ones too, in a safe community can have positive outcomes and is not necessarily a sign of distress, but one of learning.  

  • Learn: Use what you already learned about yourself, your children and your family to support your future transitions with your children- together, as a team of family, you are becoming experts.

 

Freedom and Independence- A Reflection by Iris

During the month of July, Iris completed the in person portion of her Montessori Assistance to Infancy coursework, and has now returned to Nia House to share her wisdom with all of us.  Please read on for an inspiring and thought provoking excerpt from Iris's writing, on the topic of freedom and choice.  Thanks to Iris for sharing your thoughts and your research. 

Traditional thought broadly understands freedom as independence from outside control. Dr. Montessori's theory complicates this understanding and defines freedom, or liberty, as a process of gaining independence through experiences. Freedom is not a point of arrival but rather a process that begins at birth and continues throughout our lives. Freedom operates under three main characteristics. First, to gain freedom, an individual must have an awareness of their choices. A child is able to choose, with freedom, between two materials only when they have the knowledge behind the work. For example, the child is able to practice their freedom through decision-making when they understand the difference between a handwashing work versus a plant watering work. Second, freedom operates from reason and within limits. Lastly, freedom with responsibility assists in self-construction. Freedom provides the opportunity for choice, and decision-making simultaneously empowers the decision-maker and creates a responsibility for the choice.

License and liberty are at times used interchangeably, but in reality, the two concepts are entirely different. In contrast to freedom, license is the ability to do whatever one wants whenever one wants. Rather than knowledge and choice, impulse and curiosity guide license with a complete lack of consequence and responsibility. License ultimately aids in the process of self-destruction. Every experience in life holds a set of ground rules and natural consequences; thus, license without limits does not prepare individuals for reality. The Montessori environment can mimic reality and prepare the child by allowing for informed freedom with limits that are consistent.

Dashiell, Nia House Alum, Plays the Violin for NH Children

Every year, Dashiell returns to Nia House to play the violin for his Nia House friends. This is a special treat for everyone, especially his teachers (Happy Birthday Cinnamon!) who have seen him grow over the years. Dashiell patiently answered children’s questions- “how do you make it do high sounds and low sounds?” “what is that stick that you use called?” and “why do you like to play the violin?”

Dashiell is off to high school next year! We are incredibly proud to be a part of Dahsiell’s life and love experiencing his passion for music.

Reuse, Compost, Recycle and Waste Education

Nia House is a Green Certified Business. We strive to reduce our environmental impact and raise a generation of environmentally aware people.

The children and families at Nia House participate in composting, packing waste free lunches with reusable containers and by recycling all that we can.

Below is a presentation the Primary children participated in at circle time. Turns out they already know a lot about compost, reusing and recylcing!

For the rest of June, Nia House will be collecting hard to recycle soft plastics- stretchable plastic like plastic bags, bubble wrap, and bubble mailers .

You can continue this practice at home. Join Ridwell. Every family that joins will raise $25 for Nia House!

Friends

We are happy/sad to share the children that are moving on to their next life adventure. The teachers and staff at Nia House love each of these children. It has been our incredible honor to watch them grow in our care. Please stay close. Nia House friends are deep and lasting friendships.

LUNCH : ritual, routine and healthy eating

Each day, the Nia House children sit down to a set table. Toddlers sing the same daily songs, light a candle, make silence and take grounding breaths. Children in the primary find the reusable metal cup with their name on it, put their napkins on their lap, eat, and chat with their friends. After eating, the toddlers clear their plates, silverware, cups and napkins, wash their face and prepare for nap. The primary children pack up their lunch box, clear silverware, cups, and napkin and ready for play time on the yard. During their outside time, members of the primary community put on aprons and scrub the lunch tables with soapy water. Lunch is a peaceful experience, as the children know what to expect.

A SNAPSHOT INTO TODAY’S LUNCHES:

  • edamame + tofu

  • avocado + grilled cheese

  • yogurt + strawberries

  • ravioli + zucchini

  • hummus & cheese sandwich + sliced fruit

  • pesto pasta

  • broccoli, yams + salmon

  • sliced carrots

  • rice + beans + quesadilla

 

Wondering what to pack for your child’s lunch?

goals

  1. Color - Eat the rainbow. 

    Eating a diversity of colorful foods is a way to get the complete range of nutrients that a growing body and brain needs to thrive.

  2. Crunch - Provide food with texture including fresh fruits and vegetables. 

    Foods with texture help children develop important oral motor and sensory skills.

  3. Diversity- Introduce differences.

    Nutrition habits begin now as children are in a sensitive period of developing taste preferences and rapid growth (physical, cognitive, social, emotional).Daily variety in lunch (even if slight changes) will keep lunch time interesting and compel healthy eating habits. We encourage children to eat a portion of each food group.

guidelines

  • Send something from each food group

    (adjust to dietary needs- vegan/vegetarian): Fruits, Vegetables, Grains, Protein Foods, and Dairy 

  • Do not send

    no nuts, no sugar (including juice), no snack foods (crackers, chips, pretzels), limited salt.  

lunch guidance

PROTEIN

Warm:

  • Soup or stew, heated and stored in an insulated container

  • Leftovers such as chicken, turkey, or casserole, in insulated container

  • Eggs, scrambled

  • Mixed cooked grains, heated (such as rice and beans)

  • Pasta (such as spaghetti, macaroni and cheese)

Cold:

  • Sandwich (egg, tuna, meat, cheese)

  • Eggs peeled, hard boiled

  • Yogurt with fruit

  • Cottage cheese

  • Finger food (cheese, etc.)

FRESH FRUIT

  • Half of an apple

  • Melon, berries, pineapple pieces 

  • Half a banana

  • Seedless grapes 

  • Peeled orange, etc.

  • Do not send fruit leather or dried fruit

VEGETABLES

  • Fresh carrot sticks, celery,bell  pepper, cucumber  (cut into thumb sized sticks) 

  • Cooked peas, green beans, corn, etc.

  • Salad: greens, carrot, potato, egg, pasta, etc.

Problems with eating too much sugar or salt:

  • Causes tooth decay

  • Raises risks of diabetes and higher blood pressure

  • Can drain calcium from young children

  • Can contribute to high cholesterol

  • Can contribute to emotional distress, irritability, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, hyperactivity, aggressive behavior, fear and insecurity

  • Salt can cause fluid retention and decrease of absorption of nutrients, weakening bones, nerves and muscles

  • Though some salt is needed in a healthy diet, Nia House is just trying to limit the EXCESS salt present in snack foods, most packaged or frozen food/meats, and fast food

Problems with eating too much fat:

  • Though the polyunsaturated fats in seafoods, avocados and vegetables are incredibly healthy for children, Nia House is trying to limit trans fats and hydrogenated oils in children’s diets. Examples are frozen foods, commercially baked foods, and fried foods. 

  • Essential fatty acids are necessary for brain development and for energy, lowering cholesterol, insulating the body and more.

  • Trans fats found in fast foods and many prepared and packaged products can increase LDL (the bad type of cholesterol) and decrease HDL (the good type of cholesterol).

  • Trans fats have also been linked to an increase in cancer rates, and a general lower immune response.

"Montessori: The world's most influential school?"

“Tech geniuses, nation builders and famous artists have praised the benefits of a Montessori education – but does it hold up to scientific scrutiny? David Robson and Alessia Franco investigate.

When considering the lives of the rich and famous, it is always tempting to look for the secrets of their successes. So here's a brain teaser: what do the cook Julia Child, the novelist Gabriel García Márquez, the singer Taylor Swift, and Google's founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin all have in common?

The answer is that they all attended Montessori schools as young children. In the US, the schools' influence in the art and tech world has long been noted. But the reach of the educational method goes far beyond that. Indian independence leader Mahatma Gandhi was a fan, and described how children taught with it "felt no burden of learning as they learnt everything as they played". Rabindranath Tagore, the Nobel-Prize-winning poet, set up a network of Montessori schools to free children's creative self-expression. 

But does the method actually work?”

Continue reading this BBC Article to find if the Montessori method actually works.

The Nia House teachers believe in the Montesorri method and beyond make it work! Thank you to all Nia House parents that came out to the parent meeting to learn about language, the 3 period lesson, encoding and decoding.